Sunday, 18 April 2010

You're a Roman, Brian

   Last night we stayed in the pub until closing time. My town's long-established gay pub, very comfortable and friendly if a little loud. And a first for me, accompanied as I was by twelve other t-girls, my wife and another partner. Why a first? Gay pubs are nothing new to me, having hung out with a varied crowd when I was a student I've seen in more than one New Year in other similarly colourful surroundings for the sake of a safe space for several of our party. This was a first for me though because in the past I've only ever been to a gay pub because of who I was with, last night for the first time I was there as one of its target clientèle.
    Considering that to a casual observer I was the very large bloke stooping to avoid the low beam, hand-in-hand with the genetic girl, I must have looked anything but a gay pub customer despite the rest of my party.
    The realisation that I'd always seen the establishment as "their pub" without really considering that yes, I was one of "them" led me to consider this: if we only spend our time in safe spaces we've created for ourselves, are we really "out"? Who cares I guess, it was a thousand times more civilised than the Wetherspoons just round the corner, I know which pub I'd rather spend the evening in no matter what company I'm keeping.

11 comments:

  1. Glad you and your wife had a good time.
    It is a nice environment to gain confidence in though especially when you first start going out.
    x

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  2. Absolutely, not a place I'd have any worries in girl mode. The only reason I was there as bloke was for Mrs. J's comfort zone so close to home, this might otherwise have been my first time out.

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  3. Most odd really. We spend most of our lives trying to avoid being associated with anything gay, then discover that we are Lesbians!

    Suzie x

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  4. I think viewing me in that light would both amuse and horrify my lesbian friends in equal measure! :)

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  5. This makes me so happy. For many reasons; that you enjoyed it, that you have so many friends, that your other half was there too and the thought of you being out in the world in a different (and more ture to your core self) way. Hooray!

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  6. "Out" should not mean somewhere free from certain types that can attack as the criteria is safe. Gay/lesbian tend to be sufficiently balanced, less aggressive and altogether more accepting, but anywhere free of aggressive males is also safe.
    Some live their life whilst others are primarily on watch in an attempt to enforce what they consider as normal upon those that have the gall to be doing the very thing that they dare not do themselves but would like to do!

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  7. @Emma: nice to see you here! Yes, it was a very good evening. I'm most happy that Mrs. J enjoyed herself.

    @Lucinda: considering we'd just occupied the largest table in a crowded restaurant before we met up with you in the pub I guess my musings about out-ness are not really applicable to Saturday. You've met me so you know what I look like. It's one of the things I dislike most about the blessings my bloke side has given me that in the rare cases it's required I can switch on the aggressive male act with extreme prejudice. I have to admit rather dreading encountering such people directing their aggression at us for the simple reason that "extreme prejudice" might land me in the cells.

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  8. Spent many a night in gay pubs and clubs. Been there, done that, got the butt tapped. All in bloke mode, however, and with Mrs. C laughing her ass off.

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  9. I think Mrs. J would have laughed her arse off too had that happened to me!

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  10. Nice question. But hell, what's the problem with having a lovely evening in a safe space? We need to relax too :)

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  11. No problem at all, and it was a very relaxing place to spend an evening. I mean, being asked to leave at the end of the evening, politely!

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