The other day I mentioned that I spent last Saturday afternoon at my local Gay Pride, in the company of a few other local t-girls.
I was there as bloke, due to my wife's comfort zone. She doesn't feel comfortable with my going out en femme this close to home. I think it's an embarassment thing, for which I don't blame her. I'm a girl with presence. No problem with that, presenting as female is fun but I enjoy the company of trans people in exactly the same manner no matter what I look like. Same when someone organises a trip to a restaurant, there I am, the rather large bloke usually accompanied by his wife.
As a day-to-day bloke, I have the ultimate "stealth". Damn I do it well! Bloke and then some! But am I really less visible when in the company of my trans friends?
If you read this blog, you'll know by now that my size defines me whether I like it or not. I've lived in and around this town for most of my life so I'm part of the scenery. Business owners, shop workers and other long-term local residents know me by sight. I must be "Big bloke" to them, in the same way as there are local characters I recognise such as "Beardy bloke", "Scooter kid" and "Bible lady". If you live in my town, you'll probably bring those three to mind too. Hell, you probably know what I look like! So by going out with my trans friends I bring my slightly enhanced visibility with me and instead of being the drab one fading into the background of the restaurant alongside the slightly more flamboyant among my companions I stand out as someone people know by sight. And sitting there in the Pride field with my shoes off in the heat I think few who noticed my toenails painted in preparation for my support group meeting would be in any doubt that yes I was part of the group I was sitting with. Bizarrely had I been en femme with wig and makeup I would have blended in, I may be a large girl but I'm not as er... daring in my presentation as some.
Does this bother me? Not particularly. Having decided that my aim is to be openly transgendered I can hardly complain if someone identifies me as such. In fact if someone does so then good, I'm out, there's one less place I have to hide.
Of course, it's easy for me to say this. I'm large and loud, I kick the arse of life. Nobody's going to give me grief for it, even the thickest of chavs is going to figure out that's going to hurt. Maybe someone more timid wouldn't be able to. But if by being large and loud and visible I make it easier for someone less confident in the future to go out in drab in my town with their trans friends then I reckon I've achieved something. And for that the minor regret of not going out en femme is worth it.