Thursday, 30 September 2010

Mrs. J in the community

    Regular readers of this blog will know that my wife and I are happily married and determined to stay that way through all this mess. She has her ups and downs with respect to my gender issues just as I have my ups and downs of the effects of GD, but we work through them and move on.
    Our interactions with our local community of transgendered people have been of great help and support. We have both made some good friendships that extend beyond the theatre of safe spaces and support groups into the real world. If any of you read this blog, you know who you are, and thank you.
    This week saw my wife take a new step. I am a member of a well-known UK forum for trans people, mainly because events in my town seem mostly to be organised through it. I wouldn't call myself an extremely active participant, but it's useful to stay in touch and it's where some of our friends can be found. This week my wife joined the same forum because they're her friends too. I hope she enjoys herself there.
    I have had people comment in the past about my accepting wife. I correct them and say that I do feel incredibly lucky to be married to someone like her, but "accepting" is a simplification. This isn't in the manual for Being A Wife, and as we've both learned the new manual we've started to come to an understanding of it all rather than a mythical acceptance. Of great help in this has been her accompanying me in my explorations of the trans community and I'd advise any other couple in our position to do the same together.

10 comments:

  1. Hi Jenny,
    I don't know if I'm reading your blog or mine, it seems that we share much in our relationships with our wives. Good for Mrs J in joining the group.

    hugs, Elly

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  2. Good for you both.
    You have an honest, open and loving relationship and I wish you both well in your future together.
    Hope to get to meet you both again soon. (after my holidays!)
    x

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  3. Thanks both,

    Elly, as I said I don't want to give a misleading picture of marital harmony and bliss, as you'd expect we have our downs as well as ups. But you probably know that particular joy too :)

    Lisa, enjoy your holidays, we both look forward to seeing you again!

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  4. The thing that is so refreshing, is that she has at a minimum, an intellectual curiosity to understand what you are going through. That is so much more than the wives of so many married trans-sisters. So many times I have heard, "My wife finds it abhorrent, and doesn't want any part of it", or "Do what you have to do, but don't ever let me see it".

    You are lucky, Jenny!

    Your trans-sister(not to be confused with your transistor),

    Melissa XX

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  5. I hope the time spent on the forum is positive and useful for the pair of you.

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  6. @Melissa: I think I'm more of a tube, meself, or perhaps a thyristor :)

    I think Mrs. J started with a determination not to lose me to this side of my existence which admittedly has rather taken over my life in the past year. Since I'd cross-dressed in some way for quite a few years she hasn't been hit with a Big Shock in the way some women have. She wanted to understand it and involving herself as I did was her best way to do it. I'll reiterate that it has been a bumpy road at times, but we're still on it together.

    @Lucy: thanks, and thank you for your support in the real world too. I'm sure the online friendship of people beyond her real-world friends in this community will be of benefit to her.

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  8. I will rarely comment about my wife, but suffice it to say that she knows and she understands and she does accept my friends. I love her to death and I love her even more for her acceptance of my friends.

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  9. Exactly, well put. I was never not going to put the effort in for Mrs. J but her engagement in all this has provided further demonstration of why she's worth that effort. Her path has not been easy through all this and I owe it to her to make the effort.

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