Monday, 11 October 2010

A rare outing

    On Saturday I had another of my very rare excursions in the real world presenting as female. This time my wife was with me for the first time. Nothing too challenging,  just our usual post-support-group restaurant visit.
    The thing that most struck me was how natural it all felt. When I last did this back in May I had a lot of fun, but as you might expect I was rather nervous. This time it just felt right, no worries standing in a queue for a parking ticket, just enjoying the moment. Walking along the street, laughing at the incongruity of it all.
    Our party included a group of regulars and someone on her first time out. Unfortunately for her, her presentation was significantly less than ideal, she was very nervous and her presence drew some attention to our party in the restaurant. This made my wife rather nervous too, but she made it and I'm proud of her.
    I'm sure some of you who read this will have also have had encounters with similarly presenting members of our sisterhood. Hell, I'm pretty sure there are people who'd put me in that category because I'm under no illusions as to my passing ability, the best I can do is convey an impression of having made an effort. Sadly I'm afraid our companion had not achieved that.
    So I felt guilty for judging her on her appearnace. My wife was my primary concern that evening and her comfort zone was definitely being eroded. But this is a support group and we are all there to give support no matter what.
    Two regular attendees in Swindon are older trans women who adopt a "mother hen" role with people on their first time out. I have no idea if either of them read this blog so I hope they won't mind me describing them thus, but I am much indebted to them for helping me in this way back in May. They performed a similar role on Saturday with our newcomer. That's the real support in a support group, so much more than just a bunch of people sitting around drinking tea and talking shop.
    So, a Saturday evening well spent, a big step for my wife and an ample demonstration of a support group in action. I have no idea how long it'll be before I get out again but there's no hurry. Better to get it right than to have a bad experience.

5 comments:

  1. Hi Jenny,
    You are so lucky to have a wife that attends your support group with you and then even goes out to a restaurant with your group. If only I could be so lucky, but I'm working on it. Good for you gurlfriend!

    Hugs, Elly

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  2. Glad it all went well Jenny. Your wife probably felt like hiding in a hole at times but she stayed the course and gave the support she promised. That is one cool woman! I hope the other girl enjoyed herself too. I hope she received some advice too, in a nice supportive way.
    Shirley Anne xxx

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  3. Your wife rocks! That is so wonderful. You must have been on Cloud Nine. : )

    I feel for the first-time girl. I remember the first time I went out with a few other girls (my age/early 20s) to a gay bar. The boys were very nice to us as we played pool and drank a few beers, but I still felt out of place and scared. That was a looong time ago and most of the night remains a blur, not from the beer but from my fear. (I almost threw up from nervousness before we went out that night). If I did it again, I would seek out some "mother hens" first.

    I'm glad you have such a great support group there. That is incredibly important.

    If I may ask, now that is a few days on, did your wife have any thoughts about that night that you could share? (She could have a very interesting perspective).

    Take care,

    Karin

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  4. Thanks all. Yes, Mrs. J is an amazing woman. We've been in this together all the way through, and when things got to the point I had to break out of the closet she was anxious not to exclude herself from anything. As anyone in her position would be she was not happy about it all but as we have become involved with our local trans community she has made some real friends as well.

    I'm sure she would have felt like hiding in a hole at times on Saturday evening. But as I said, I'm proud of her. I hope we were all as supportive to her as we were to our newcomer.

    I am pretty sure the new girl received some useful advice.

    Good idea about seeing if Mrs. J has any thoughts to share. I can only ask her.

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  5. Big hug to your lovely wife. That is such a wonderful thing for her to do.
    I am not surprised though she is a wonderful person.
    x

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