Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Being me

    There's a turn of phrase that appears quite often in this sphere: Being me. It's normally used to refer to precious time spent by a part-time or closeted t-girl dressing female rather than being a boring everyday bloke.
    It's a phrase I have to admit to having some discomfort using in that context. One of the defining moments in making sense of all this came for me some years ago when I realised that I'm the same me whatever I'm wearing. I may be happier, more relaxed and less prone to depression with regular access to both wardrobes, but nothing else has changed. Still the same person, still me. And in a world in which people get hung up on the clothing issue the minute a transgendered angle enters the fray, that's important. If all this was simply about clothing I suspect it wouldn't be such a pain in the arse.
    I have found a use for the phrase though since I started coming out to people earlier this year. Being me means not having to put up a front of blokeishness. If the person I'm talking to already knows, I can be me without having to live up to my appearance. It's funny, I have encountered t-girls for whom the whole thing involves affecting an exaggerated pastiche of stereotypical femininity. I may even have sinned myself at times in that direction too, though not I hope too badly. Yet I find I've constructed an entire life with a defence mechanism based on acting a part of slightly exaggerated stereotypical masculinity. It's too easy, because when you look the part, it works.
    As you might imagine, after that I appreciate being me.

13 comments:

  1. Can't disagree with tht, "being me" tends to be hackneyed and clichéd in its traditional use.

    I can well understand how, in its new context, you enjoy being you.

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  2. Very well written Jenny. I think you're right, the clothes don't make the person; you're still you no matter what you look like if you're a real person.

    Hugs, Elly

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  3. You are indeed so right Jenny. Being 'me' is being who you are not what others conceive you to be at face value. You may be many things, including being transgendered and they all make 'you' what you are. Dressing for some does alter the way they present to others as though they were simply wearing a mask, a fancy dress but for those who are just 'being me' it's a part of who they are, a normal aspect of what is or has been hidden in the past.

    Shirley Anne xxx

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  4. So well put Jenny, "" is our most comfortable self. It's just that for me I had to endure the pendulum's extreme swing by being "June Clever" everywhere I went, then the shorter skirts and 4 inch heels of the other direction.

    It's only when we can be comfortable expressing ourselves however we want to for the moment, A lot of times jeans, no makeup and a tank top; other times, when required I love dresses and heels (lower these days) to glam up.

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  5. Since I came out to my sister and my niece a little over a year ago, they have never seen me en femme, except for pictures I shared with them, yet I am so much more comfortable in their presence now, and enjoy my time with them so much more. They know, so I can just relax and "be me" when I'm with them. It's wonderful!

    Melissa XX

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  6. I'm guilty!! I say that a lot!

    I may be cliche to some. However, I truly do have two personalities. That is why I say that.

    "Being me" means, I am the person that was kept under wraps. I speak differently, look differently, and my interests are not the same at all.

    In my male life, people say they cannot see the female.
    In my female life, people tell me that they cannot see the male.

    Yeah, I'm cliche alright! And I love it!!

    It's not just okay to be different, It's FANTASTIC!

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  7. Well written :)

    @Melissa: I have exactly the same experience with my family now that they know. It's noticable from the other side as well - my parents thought it was difficult staying in the same house for a week last year when they came to visit as the atmosphere was a little tense (so much so they said they wouldn't stay as long in the future so as not to step on our toes for so long).

    Now they know why the atmosphere was tense (me contastantly thinking about mannarisms etc), and now I don't do that anymore and just 'be me' everyone is much happier - and they had a much better time this year than last...

    Stace

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  8. Morning all, and thanks for your comments.

    Don't get me wrong, I gain a lot of relief from cross-dressing. The amazing feeling on the rare moments I feel I've cracked it when a believable woman looks back at me from the mirror is priceless. I was just musing on that particular use of language.

    We all have our own path through all this.

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  9. I think this and your next post about the term transsexual tie together for me. Transgendered I am certainly.

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  10. I do seem to have been stirred into action posting pieces tagged "Gender identity" of late. Amazing really, all that and I haven't got into trouble! I must try harder :)

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  11. Well put.

    I've done a list of overused phrases and a variation on being me was one of the first I thought of. It was short hand for something almost all trans readers or listeners would understand but it has become very clichéd by its overuse.

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  12. Really nice post, Jenny. I wish I had written it :)

    Calie xxx

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  13. Well thanks!

    One of those posts that just flowed, IYSWIM.

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