Thursday, 31 March 2011

Timetable shock

    Earlier this week I had a reminder from my email client at work: my GIC appointment is in about a couple of months and I need to inform work I need the day off.
    A bit of a rude awakening, it's always been "Sometime in the distant future" and now suddenly it's not very far away. It's well over a year since my first chat with my doctor, I can see the wait is very frustrating for those anxious to move on but as someone whose path is less clear there has been some comfort in knowing I'm in the system but not having to think about anything.
    This appointment will be a very difficult one for me. There in front of me will be a bloke who can help make all this go away, and I'll be asking him to help me avoid having to ask for that. I have a growing realisation that I may not succeed in that aim in the long term as all this is becoming something of a PITA, but I have to try. The worst thing is the realisation that my wife might well stay with me were that to happen, even though it would be very distressing for her. High stakes to play for indeed, but not seeking any help would probably deliver a worse outcome.
    I don't like going to London at the best of times. I love the trains and the Tube, but the city is alien to me. I don't feel as if I fit in, and I feel it shows. Which is stupid, really, a crisis of confidence.
    Not for the first time saying this: get a grip, Jenny.

6 comments:

  1. GID is all about making decisions, compromise and adapting. I am in a very similar situation to you, though I am not even in the system yet and still have a visit to my GP to face up to. I look forward to hearing how your GIC visit goes when the time comes as it might just encourage me to make an appointment with my GP, or it might just put me off doing so.

    Best of luck!

    Louise

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  2. I remember the first Dr I told; I forgot I was wearing women's nicker when i saw my Urologist. Remembered when I dropped my pants and I just told him I was trans, he didn't blink and just said that's ok cause he was treating other people like me. Wow!

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  3. Everyones situation is different Jenny and each has to go through the journey in their own way but the routine is basically the same for everyone. Discovering that you are not unique and that your feelings are experienced by others often brings a sigh of relief. You begin to understand that for the transgendered all these things are quite normal. After this it becomes more a question of 'what next'? 'What do I do about it'? This can only be answered by the individual concerned because only they will know what they want to do. Like you say there are other factors to consider, spouse, family, work etc..Once you know the options a plan can be formulated to suit your desires. You mentioned that you would avoid asking the question regarding 'making it all go away' which would seem to indicate that you do not want it to go away! A hint as to your real desire perhaps? In any event nothing about gender dysphoria is an easy thing to live with or to deal with. Time to face the music once more and I hope you gain something from your next meeting.

    Shirley Anne xxx

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  4. The City is alien to me too. I'm a country and open spaces kind of guy so I'm not looking forward to going to London again either. Hope I have time to get in some sightseeing while I'm there then it's more like a day trip with an appointment fitted in.

    Being in the same boat as yourself Jenny I'm hopeful that a GIC can help us. If anyone can help then definitely it'll be them.

    BTW I saw my local psych yesterday and he seems happy enough but procedure here is I've to see another from a different practice for a second opinion so a letter will arrive in the next few weeks.

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  5. @Shirley Anne: Therein lies my problem, I both wish I could move forward and be the girl my brain is telling me it should be in, while also also wish I could just make it go away and be right for the Mrs. No winning in this game.

    @Alex: Same here exactly, a GIC in a small rural town would suit me fine. I'm wary of doing too much other stuff though as I don't want to foul up round the appointment time.

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  6. @Louise: I'll keep you up to date through these pages. My GP visit was easy, if your GP turns out bot to be so good then don't forget you can move.

    @Sarah: Fortunately I am unlikely to be caught in this way, but I'm sure my doc would have been just as fine with it.

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