Earlier this week I had a reminder from my email client at work: my GIC appointment is in about a couple of months and I need to inform work I need the day off.
A bit of a rude awakening, it's always been "Sometime in the distant future" and now suddenly it's not very far away. It's well over a year since my first chat with my doctor, I can see the wait is very frustrating for those anxious to move on but as someone whose path is less clear there has been some comfort in knowing I'm in the system but not having to think about anything.
This appointment will be a very difficult one for me. There in front of me will be a bloke who can help make all this go away, and I'll be asking him to help me avoid having to ask for that. I have a growing realisation that I may not succeed in that aim in the long term as all this is becoming something of a PITA, but I have to try. The worst thing is the realisation that my wife might well stay with me were that to happen, even though it would be very distressing for her. High stakes to play for indeed, but not seeking any help would probably deliver a worse outcome.
I don't like going to London at the best of times. I love the trains and the Tube, but the city is alien to me. I don't feel as if I fit in, and I feel it shows. Which is stupid, really, a crisis of confidence.
Not for the first time saying this: get a grip, Jenny.