Thursday, 2 June 2011

Here we go again

    I'm off to see the doctor next week, I'm going to ask him for some help. You might have noticed content has been a little sparse in these parts of late, I'm afraid I've been having something of a hard time. It started a few months ago and I attributed it to nerves in the period going up to my GIC visit, but after briefly abating in the immediate aftermath of my trip to London, it's back with a vengeance.
    Depression can be annoying, like that. I feel as though I'm sliding headlong into the pit I was in two or three years ago. When you find yourself stressed to the point of crying by the tiniest things, it's time to go to the doctor. Last time I tried to tough it out and I nearly ended up killing myself, this time it's off to my GP for some help. The alternative would be a surefire route to everything going wrong and I'm simply not risking it. Better medication than that.
    Surprisingly I've found some solace in the Rusty Old Wreck. Driving the Rollerskate stresses me beyond belief at the moment because I'm left with nothing to think about . Modern cars really are that good. By comparison going anywhere in the Wreck requires concentration, plus it works at those parts of my brain that still have some of the bloke about them. It's a mechanical toy, and one that's fun to play with.
    So I've probably done a little more motoring than I expected to this week. Shuddering around the lanes at what was probably a fearsome speed in 1959 but nowadays is positively pedestrian. Anticipating every manoeuvre to account for fifty year old brakes. Double declutching. Plenty for my brain to occupy itself with. Watching yesterday's sunset driving through the Downs with Dawn was particularly impressive.
    It's funny, I keep getting moments of flashback, twenty years ago and a much younger me in a slightly later model Wreck on the same roads. I haven't driven the thing for so long. Driving through my city late night on Tuesday especially brought this on, if I'd had a Ford Sierra in front of me instead of a Skoda Octavia taxi I'd have turned on the radio and expected the KLF. Hang on, that Wreck had a radio, this one doesn't.
     Somehow it feels like a minor defeat, to be going to the doctor and asking for medication. But I think it's the right thing to do. The alternative? There isn't one, at least not one I'd care to contemplate.

12 comments:

  1. I am sorry to hear you are struggling Jenny. I hope that you can find support and help at the Drs.

    Becca

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  2. Me too Jenny, I hope you get the help/meds that you need. It must be awful to suffer with depression and I confess I know nothing about these things. At least you are doing the right thing by doing something before it happens. Love

    Shirley Anne xxx

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  3. Dear Jenny,

    Must be sun spots or something, we seem to be in the same place emotionally.

    I fixed the glove box lock on my Buick yesterday and that little victory made me feel a little better.

    Good luck.

    I have a couple of vintage Cadillac radios for the ROW.

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  4. I'm sorry that you have the blues, Jenny. Yes, a visit to the doctor is definitely in order when it gets that bad. Which reminds me, I'm running out of my anti-depressant meds. I'll have to see if my oncologist can give me a new script, when I go to his office next week, otherwise I'll have to make a separate appointment with my primary care physician.

    I hope you are feeling better soon.

    Melissa XX

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  5. I lived with those feelings for decades and not sure how I survived without some chemical help, it was survival not living, I know that now!

    You are too good to loose, take the meds.

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  6. sorry you're feeling so low. i hope the dr can help you. take care.

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  7. Medication can do wonders, Jenny, and there's nothing wrong with using a crutch, as long as its temporary. The crutches are there for a reason.

    We do whatever it takes to survive. Just remember that. Whatever it takes to survive. I know the ravages of depression. I know how far down it can take you. Just don't let it. Ever. All problems are temporary, and if you've made it this far, you can always make it a bit farther.

    I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. Remember that you have friends should you them, and that's what they are for. I know you will be feeling better soon.

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  8. If the wreck is misfiring, you fix it. Same with you and the medic. Easy peasy. Hope they give you something helpful.

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  9. you are going throw a tuff time hun as others have said solong as its short term to get you over a bad patch then thats fine

    and the wreck sutes him well it was good to see it on the road the othere night brought back memorys of when my dad had one :-)

    Took my sad toy to get broken in to bite wedsesday night sad day

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  10. Dear Jenny,

    I don't know about the temporary thing. If we have to take meds for life it is better than the alternative.

    Love Jae

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  11. Thanks all. You're right, if something ain't working you fix it.

    Off in the Wreck again today. I have to keep reminding myself that car has left me standing by the roadside in the past :)

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  12. I thought the clutch slipping was the perfect way to keep you to a safe speed for the toy brakes. I uses to have ROW in the garage, same make even older, decided that it was going to let me down when it ever got on the road again so chickened out. I miss the joy of actually having to "drive" a car.A good country road drive used to bury the dark thoughts for a while.

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