Sunday, 20 November 2011

A walk in the fog

    As somehow befit the moment, today was a dim and foggy one in Southern England. Last year I spent a while sitting in silent contemplation of TDOR in the parish church I was christened in, this year I passed on that one but  took the same long walk with my mother's dog.

    Happy mutt, fog must bring out the doggy aromas or something.

    So, fog inside and out. A lot to think about. I passed the tree that was in front of me when I heard that Grace had died, its leaves a pleasant coppery colour. The fog blocks the ever-present noise from the main road a couple of miles away, so the dog and I were alone in a world of muted shades, with ghostly trees looming in the distance.
    I thought of Andrea Waddell, and then of a friend of mine who has taken up sex work - I have no idea why, her day job earns her crazy amounts of money! - and ended up as I did last year, angry with the world.

    Don't like anger. It's the testosterone wot does it. Damn stuff should be banned.

    Here's a tip, next time you're likely to be down, take a walk with a happy dog. You're never alone with a dog, and she won't judge you. Plenty to interest her in the leaf litter. I was reminded of the time she put up a muntjac deer which set off at a rate of knots, the dog following on her too-short legs and being left in the dust.
    In an odd echo of last year, I bumped into our neighbour, walking her two dogs. Old friends with my mother's mutt, three dogs ecstatically happy to see each other, tearing off down the field.
    Our neighbour is a close friend of my mother's, and my mother has taken her into confidence about my gender issues. We hadn't talked about it, but after exchanging pleasantries she complemented me on my hair. It's grown out to the point at which the same wave my mother and sister have is beginning to show.
    It was a slightly odd conversation, a scruffy bloke and a middle-aged woman talking about all this while walking through a field of next year's oilseed rape in the fog. I showed her my photo from Sparkle on my phone - not the one I put on this blog but another with my sister - and saw the usual double-take. But no negativity, as she had been to my mother she was nothing but supportive.
    I'm not sure that a similar conversation could have taken place thirty years ago. On TDOR it can be easy to forget that however slowly it is happening, we are still moving forward.

22 comments:

  1. "we are still moving forward.' ~Jenny

    Really? How so? It seems to me that util the basic questions are answered, you remain in and endless, closed loop, mixing about angrily, or wistfully, in circles.

    Perhaps THIS is the TG way?

    My question remains unanswered...What IS the "dream"?

    To "magically" wakeup one day and 'be a woman'? THAT is not going to happen. And...what if it did? Would THAT make it all"OK"?

    Would you be able to keep your job, your marriage, your standing in the community? Or would you have to start all over as a middle-aged, TOTALLY inexperienced woman?

    I read all the heartfelt blogs about people getting ready or "deciding" when or how/if to "go full time", and how they are almost ready becase they survive a trip to the mall 'en femme', or are not openly disparaged by the clerk at the super.

    Can people really be SO naive?

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  2. "We are still moving forward" as in "We as a community are slowly becoming more accepted as time goes by".

    Moving from TDOR to the personal since you ask, I wish for no magic, I just wish to be at peace with myself. That's my dream.

    I respect your experience Anne, but what was relevant to 1970s America is not so to 2010s in the UK, and you know about as much about me as I know about you, i.e. not a lot. It comes back to my point of our moving forward, I live in a university town in a civilised country in which transssexuals have legal protection and I work for a publishing company. I would not lose any standing, or my job. Half my colleagues, and my boss and her boss, already know about me. I could go full-time tomorrow, and I know I can survive a hell of a lot more than a trip to the supermarket.

    But I'm not, because I'm married to one hell of a woman, and I don't see life partners as interchangeable.

    If you'd read what I have written, instead of reading what you want to see, you'd know that.

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  3. Well I did the transition when I was you might call 'past middle- age' and presumably without experience! My circumstances might have been different from what Jenny's are now but that doesn't make her's any the less a transsexual problem. It may be that she never has GRS, it may be that she decides to stay in the closet as far as the rest of the world is concerned, it may be that she decides not to transition at all but she has the right to find out at her own pace and in the way she feels it is right for her. There are no set rules for this, there are no 'goals' for some people because they are still finding out things about themselves. I knew from a very early age that I wanted to transition but denial and circumstances put off that day until much later in life. That isn't the same for everyone so I say give the girl a break and be a little more supportive with your comments Anne.

    Shirley Anne xxx

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  4. Yes, moving forward both in assimilation (I would say 'acceptability' but I find that mildly objectionable; I'm not interested hugely in whether people 'accept' me, any more than I expect they'd be interested in whether I 'accept' them.....) ...and in understanding. Generally, I think people are coming to see that an arbitrary taxonomy imposed upon our identities is both limited in its understanding and... well, an arbitrary taxonomy. Nail your colours to it if you like, and drift off with it to the weed-choked Sargasso.... life is elsewhere. Other than that slimy-things-that-crawl-with-legs-upon-a-slimy-sea thang, of course!

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  5. So I guess what you are saying is that because you live in an exceptionlly tolerant society where those "old fashion" values no longer apply and are seemingly being replaced with this "enlightened new age anything goes tolerance", you are content to live as a "trans-woman". Aren't we "privileged". What about the rest of the planet that does not live on an island and have to survive in a binary world?

    I have no issue with how you live or with anybody living any way they damn well please. Afterall...just as it is "my life, my rules", it is indeed, YOUR life, YOUR rules.

    The "problem" that I am hearing is that doing this, IE "transitioning" from your GENDER role as a Man to that of a 'T grl' would/might/could possibly affect your relationship with your wife.

    Sounds somewhat similar to Calie's situation. Believe me I understand.

    This is the TG curse as well as what distinguishes TG's from TS's. If you have read my blog or Elizabeth's...surely you can see the distinction. I most certainly can see the dilema in your case, but I can also see soltions. Many in fact, and given your circumstances, that need not be excessively disruptive.

    AND THAT IS THE POINT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO MAKE FOR SO LONG....that there are MANY alternatives to full blown SEX changes.

    And THAT IS the TG way. Believe me, I am a firm believer in "different storkes for different folks". Just don't be telling me that up is down....Or that women have penises.

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  6. labels schmnabels. For me the question is whether you allow the taxonomy to define you, or just get the heck on with things. My friend Liz blogged well on the subject; rather than pinning labels to herself, she chooses to define herself by what she performs. As, more and more, do I. If you choose to label me a T-girl, then that tells me more about you than me.

    http://comeonlizzo.wordpress.com/2011/11/18/a-short-blog-about-how-i-feel-about-nouns/

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  7. While a cat (at least my cats) won't take a walk with you...there's something about a cat lying next to you, purring, that can also make you feel better when you're down.

    Just suggesting an alternative for those who who don't have a dog to walk (and poop to pick up). :)

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  8. FYI...My cats always followed me and my dog on walks.

    As for drupal and her(?)fetish for that particular strawman, 'taxonomy'..."labels, shmables".

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  9. Now Anne, we've had conversations before about personal insults and misgendering, haven't we.

    You're probably hoping to wind me up to the extent that I moderate your comments, so you can go away and complain to all your mates that you're being censored.

    Sorry, ain't gonna happen. Keep writing and it will all stay here for posterity, and I will take great delight in making sure that your more outlandish contributions receive maximum exposure.

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  10. How and where am I being outlandish?

    Why is questioning the sex of a 'trans' person outlandish when it is PRECISELY that sex which is THEE question.

    Is it truly outlandish to protest the intentional obfuscation of the "mix and match, gender=sex". Meme?

    Am I to submit to the Queen's English where sex = gender?

    Am I to believe tat you have no fear of my questions, or is it just that you prefer GayJay's understanding of transgender?

    Sorry but on THIS side of the pond, words have meaning. Red is actually RED, not black or green or some "continuum" of pinkish purple.

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  11. If you expect me and other people to abide with the gender identity you present then you must expect the same courtesy to be extended to others - mate.

    Yeah, sometimes it's stretching credibility a little, but just as often, as above, it isn't.

    Now, find someone else's bridge to go trolling under.

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  12. Name-calling and misgendering. Stay classy, Anne.

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  13. Look....what is it with you guys? Lecturing all about this acerbic humor, "labels schamabels, taxonomy" and such and yet here we have a self described "scruffy bloke" demanding to be called "Miss".

    OK. I have never raised this issue, but that is indeed the issue, is it not.

    You accuse me of "non-support" because I ask simple questions like "Are you man or woman?" Or...how do you define "man or woman"?

    When I question your defininitions, rather than answer the questions or clarify or expand upon your answers, you resort to defensive ad hominems. THEN....after bragging how you will not, "moderate your,(my), comments, so you can go away and complain to all your mates that you're being censored", you invite me to, "find someone else's bridge to go trolling under".

    Look. I get it. You, Jenny and your "mates" are all "trans-folk" and you all deserve the same respect that any other human on the planet is enttled to. HOWEVER...You do NOT meet the standard, (or taxonomy), of either male or female.

    You might be in that desperate and extremely difficult PROCEESS of TRANSitioning from male to female, (or vice versa), BUT YOU ARE NOT THERE YET and MANY OF YOU HAVE NO INTENTION of making that attempt.

    THAT is the FACT that you and your "mates" are all so stalwartly in denial of.

    Address that FACT, that R E A L I T Y. rather than DENY it.

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  14. Love the capitals. The typography reminds me of vers libre, which brings me on to Don Marquis, whose Warty Bliggens comes to mind for some reason




    the lesson of the moth

    warty bliggens, the toad

    i met a toad
    the other day by the name
    of warty bliggens
    he was sitting under
    a toadstool
    feeling contented
    he explained that when the cosmos
    was created
    that toadstool was especially
    planned for his personal
    shelter from sun and rain
    thought out and prepared
    for him

    do not tell me
    said warty bliggens
    that there is not a purpose
    in the universe
    the thought is blasphemy

    a little more
    conversation revealed
    that warty bliggens
    considers himself to be
    the center of the said
    universe
    the earth exists
    to grow toadstools for him
    to sit under
    the sun to give him light
    by day and the moon
    and wheeling constellations
    to make beautiful
    the night for the sake of
    warty bliggens

    to what act of yours
    do you impute
    this interest on the part
    of the creator
    of the universe
    i asked him
    why is it that you
    are so greatly favored

    ask rather
    said warty bliggens
    what the universe
    has done to deserve me

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  15. uhuh...and this has exactly WHAT to do with REALITY and the fact that some guys like to wear dresses?

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  16. Excuse me Anne but I had my GRS in 2002. Some of the girls are still on their journey and some are just beginning theirs. If you want a definition of gender you won't find it between your legs but between your ears.

    Shirley Anne xxx

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  17. I don't feel the need to justify myself to Anne, whose identity seems based upon assertion. Spectemur agendo. And I really must remember not to feed trolls!

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  18. @Dru - Don't know why I'm protecting her, since she just trashed me on my own blog and I don't think I will forgive her for that, but Anne is the real deal. She is, indeed, a woman who transitioned years ago, is in her 60's, and knows a lot about the subject of transsexualism....as it applies to her own transition. She treats her body like a shrine and does not show any of the ravages of testosterone since the evil hormone was restricted to female levels early in her life. She is opinionated, but she does not make things up and I do respect that she stands up for what she believes in and never strays from her beliefs. I also respect the fact that Anne has attempted to contact many of us in an effort to learn just how we "tick".

    With that said, I simply will not tolerate the way Anne treats good friends of mine, and that includes Jenny.

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  19. @Jenny

    Now, find someone else's bridge to go trolling under.

    She found it....

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  20. ROFLMAO!!!!!:-))

    It's not 'trashing', Calie. It's called reaping what you sow.

    You, Jenny, Et al, subscribe to these goofy gender theories which allows for P-Packin' women and pregnant men. When I and the other 99%'ers refuse to join in your goofiness, you all start whining and then start getting mean.

    I won't waste my time ennumerating the mtriads of insults and disparagements hurled my wy on THIS blog alone.

    Like all bullies, yu cry foul when your would-be "victim", strikes back

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  21. Thanks for that, Calie; but I compare Anne's divisiveness and hatred with the behaviour of the cisgendered women in my life, which is generally the polar opposite of those qualities, and I shudder.

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  22. its NOT HATRED DRU. iT IS A HUMAN REACTION TO BEING DISPARAGRED.

    I hav absolutely NO beef with trannies of any kind...unless tey start calling be names and stepping on my toes
    then I DO tend to get a bit testy.

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