Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Jenny's first Christmas

    It is a side-effect of becoming more open about who - what - I am, that those around me make assumptions about my path. My mother, my sister, doctors, they all take it for granted that I am on my way, I will inevitably start living full-time female before too long, say good-bye to the bloke. In my current state in which I sometimes feel as though I am hanging on by only my fingertips this can become a little difficult.

    I may lead a charmed life in which all about me are accepting, but sometimes you can have a bit too much.

    Last Sunday, Christmas day, I spent the day as the oversized girl rather than the scruffy bloke. At my parents place, parents and sister in attendance. Red cowl-neck jumper and long black skirt, very festive. My mother's reaction when I broached the subject a while back was "We're going to have to get used to it eventually so we might as well do it now".
    As it turned out, everything went well. My dad was a little embarrassed at first, but that soon passed. Normal Christmas day for us. Except I was a lot happier, not stressed or depressed. And they now know what to expect from me in girl mode.

    My sister bought me some very high quality cosmetics for Christmas. Wow. :)

    As always it's a little difficult to return to the bloke after an event like that. But I now know I can be girl at my parents place should I need to. It's not going to happen often, but I look forward to enjoying some of the sweltering rural summer unencumbered by boy clothes, for instance.
   I have wanted to do this for nearly four decades. I remember as a child wishing desperately that I could be like my sisters, or the girls at my primary school. And now I've done it, as an oversized ersatz woman approaching middle age.
    I never expected it would be this easy. I should have done it many years ago, perhaps I'd have saved a lot of grief.

10 comments:

  1. That sounds like my type if Christmas day. I am glad you ate finding acceptence.

    Becca

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  2. Jenny, it's so good to hear how well Christmas went. I would disagree with your use of ersatz. It sounds like you are becoming more the woman, daughter and sister you were always meant to be.

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  3. Tricky. You have shown your nearest and dearest the real you so it must be a bit of a puzzle that you are hanging on to the bloke.

    How was Vickie with this new style christmas. happy I hope.

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  4. Sounds like all went well for you and I hope, as Caroline points out, Vicky too. Well as they say the cat is out of the bag and it will be difficult to put it back in now. That's got to be a plus but you now have all the options you ever needed before you. Love

    Shirley Anne xxx

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  5. I am always hearing about the Scruffy Bloke in most of your posts, and that is the person we know us to be in our Mind's Eye. I think that each time you stand before a mirror as Jenny, that you really 'see' her standing before the mirror and hopefully the "scruffy bloke" will vanish. And as Shirley say's, 'the cat is out of the bag' and it does get more difficult to stuff her back in the bottle.

    Am glad to hear that Christmas was a fulfillment of dreams and wished thought about.

    Sarah,

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  6. Hi Jenny,
    Glad you had a nice Christmas.
    It's easy to wish you had done things earlier - but times change and people change. It could be that now is the right time.
    All the best!
    Penny

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  7. I'm so glad that you had a positive experience like that with your parents. I suspect that one day in the not far distant future you'll be the woman you truly are with your family without thinking too much about it, I hope so. Women come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, glamorous, untidy or otherwise. As an older woman I know there are loads of bits about me that I'd love to change or feel are unfeminine; girl's nights out with my friends are full of exchanges about how bits of ourselves we find unflattering. You are a woman Jenny. I'm pretty sure that like many of us, you always have been. Inside, I suspect, there's very little 'bloke', apart from what you think others might see. One day I hope that 'the scruffy bloke' won't be part of how you see yourself any more.

    Robyn-Jane

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  8. No idea why I lost 4 comments.Am I going to say the wrong thing and should not comment? I'll take a chance. You say 'a bit too much'. No way - enjoy the moment and don't feel rushed.

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  9. "sweltering boy clothes"??? Gee, Last I checked boys ran about "topless".

    No need for a bra or modesty.

    But then again, where's the "fun" in that?

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  10. Morning all, and thanks for your comments. Christmas was a bit of a milestone.

    The 'too much' referred to too much expectation that I'll transition. I may well end up there, but I don't want to think about it right now.

    Trouble is, I'm less able to happily do bloke, something most of you will know only too well.

    Nice try at trolling, anonymous. But "sweltering boy clothes" are your words not mine. I was talking about the weather, and thinking of itchy jeans.

    Funny, I've never liked going topless as a bloke. It's embarrassing, somehow. So yeah, you're right, no fun in that.

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