Monday, 4 August 2014

I'm sure that everybody knows...

I'm sure that everybody knows how much my body hates me
It lets me down most every time and makes me rash and hasty

    When I was an earnest young sound and light engineer, that Billy Bragg song was a standard of the student cover bands. Probably because Billy does not have the voice of an angel so is easy to copy, and his politics fitted very well in the left-wing ideology of an early '90s student union. You may recognise the red-haired backing singer.
    For some reason the song was my earworm the other day, driving up to a east Midlands town to see some friends. Not just any friends, the lesbian couple I am helping to start a family. Too Much Information, or what!
    Plotting a traffic free route round the hell of Northampton, going up the A5. An 18th century superhighway laid out for the fastest stagecoaches of the day by Thomas Telford, and now almost empty since the motorway has taken all its traffic. Oddly parched July vegetation against a summer rainstorm. A favourite road of mine, all fast sweeping bends.
    It's odd, seemingly being a free agent. Three months since my wife and I moved apart. Still good relations between us and I wish she'd come back, but it isn't going to happen.
    A lot of regrets, but what can you do in a no-win situation? I am very glad we tried, I think it has had the odd effect of making our current relationship much stronger than it might be.
    So, off on holiday with my friend R. We're going to sit on a beach facing the North Sea for a week and do nothing. Nada. Sod all. Which is a lot nicer than you might imagine, we've picked a very nice North Sea beach. We've both had a very hard time of late, her with family and me with work, this is essential recuperation.
    Where now then? When we return from Norfolk life will go on. Same stresses at work, still on my own. Part of me would jack it all in and move on. Move out of the flat, move in with my dad and settle into the life of a rural freelance geek. As any former dotcommer does I have a pile of startup ideas in my slightly specialist line, I certainly wouldn't be idle.
    But that would be failure. One doesn't deal with a hard time by running away, one deals with it by engagement. So on to the next step in the ghastly charade, until we reach the level at which it all has to be taken seriously. It comes back to being a dotcommer, forged in the hard world of collapsing startups I'm uniquely unafraid of adversity. Whatever is thrown at me, I've seen worse.
    Which isn't the best note for a blog post, but there you go. Back to Billy Bragg again for a final word:

But it all amounts to nothing if together we don't stand

4 comments:

  1. One day Jenny nothing will matter, nothing at all. Enjoy the time recharging the batteries, you'll probably need the power for the treadmill we call life. Hugs

    Shirley Anne x

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  2. with my own preoccupations and comms probs I've got a bit behind with your news, Jenny. Sorry; but good luck with the ongoing struggle, and hopes for a victory and a moving on, on the work front.

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  3. You will never go wrong listening to Billy Bragg, Jenny. :D He is a treasure. You might enjoy this (I was there!):

    http://www.npr.org/2009/08/01/111311359/billy-bragg-newport-folk-festival-2009

    Enjoy your long weekend, Jenny!

    Hugs,
    Cass

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  4. Morning all, and sorry for tardy commenting.
    Well, the holiday was great! North Norfolk is a bit like Chipping Norton on sea though, all Londoners in Range Rovers and Grand Designs style houses. Fortunately the Real World returns about ten miles inland.

    The work business has moved on to the next stage. Despite a lot of trying. Which is annoying, but I simply can't let them get away with it. There are other transgender people at my work who have yet to come out of the closet.

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