Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Oh, hello 4:30

    A few years ago when I started this blog, I did so because I was at one of the most difficult times of my life. After years as a closeted observer of the transgender world I had been forced out into the open by a very physical manifestation of my problem: I had lost the ability to sleep. The stress of it all had made itself felt in an extremely inconvenient manner.
    It took me several months and the help of medication to regain my equilibrium, and about a year before I could come off the medication without reverting to insomnia.
    It's given me a legacy I'd prefer not to have, every time I wake up at an unfeasibly early hour I worry that I've fallen back into that particular pit. Like today, sitting in bed wide awake since sometime after 4am. Same night time city noises as three years ago, the trains and the church clock, just a slightly older me with an Android tablet rather than a Windows laptop.
    There's something Jobesque happening here. Facial pain, now this. At least thus far there has been a complete lack of boils and pestilence.

6 comments:

  1. I wake up at weird hours too Jenny. I can never get more than four and a half hours sleep so if I go to bed too early I wake up very early too. It's probably an age thing with me though. I am 67 today!

    Shirley Anne x

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  2. I envy my partner who can sleep like a log, wake up - talk and the sleep again. I know I need more than 5 hours but never seem to get it. There is always something on my mind.

    I do find though that my intense insomnia comes and goes. I hope the other night was just a blip for you.

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  3. I do the not sleeping bit early by not going to bed before 2pm, thank goodness for Kindle...

    All my night time wakeful hours were pre transition, just stopped when the depression and anxiety stopped.

    Hope you don't get the boils too, tried that and they are nasty.

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  4. Been there, done that, took the pills... I so understand. When I wake up in the middle of the night I know that if I don't get back to sleep, I'll be a zombie the next day. I end up dwelling on that and I do end up a zombie.

    Lately, been pretty good, but it seems to go in cycles.

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  5. 2.30 and I still don't feel tired enough to go to bed...

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  6. Morning all, tardy with my reply for which I'm sorry. Sleeping again now, mostly.

    Happy belated birthday Shirley Anne! :)

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