Sunday, 15 September 2013

No Woman would do that!

    "No Woman would do that!"

    They mean well, they really do.
    Natal women, that is. Or more accurately,  some natal women, when faced with a trans woman friend, family member or acquaintance.
    They think they're helping you escape some unimaginable faux pas of either clothing or appearance. Sometimes they're right in that a little of the bloke has shone through, mostly though it's simply a shorthand for "I wouldn't do that!".
    'Cos here's the thing: women are not an army of clones, they dress and behave in a huge diversity of ways. So the chances are that whatever the behaviour or look, many women do it.
    It's indicative of an acceptance crisis in the mind of the originator, by saying that no woman would do what you are doing they are in effect saying that you are not a woman. Fair enough, it they've known the scruffy bloke for a decade that's a tough ask for some people. Give it time. And I don't need to be told I'll never be a natal woman, I have the lived experience to prove it. But the upsetting thing isn't that. Instead it's the suspension of the normal rules of commenting on female appearance.
    Consider this, your friend asks whether her bum looks big in that skirt. Do you say "It's nice, but maybe the other one has the edge", or do you tell the truth and say "Your bum looks like a continental shelf and your legs look like tree trunks, make it go away!". Of course you say the former. Gently passing comment on appearance disasters is something all women have hard-coded, the latter is definitely something no woman would say to another.
    Perhaps "No Woman would say that!" is an appropriate response.

3 comments:

  1. I don't believe you just said that! LOL

    Shirley Anne x

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  2. Quite right to point out that women have various notions of what is a good look, and indeed what suits their figure. In fact I'm pretty sure that most women feel wobbly about their look, and are vulnerable to unkind criticism, which a man is usually not. This reflects the silly expectations of Society, but for all that it's often true that you can put down a woman with an amused glance at her outfit, whereas a man might actually feel more comfortable and credible if he is deliberately scruffy, and other men approve.

    So, it's 'very like a woman' to show signs of uncertainty where one's appearance is concerned, and to be ready to rescue other women whose look is falling apart, or who have been humiliated by a put-down. Unless you want to be a bitch.

    Lucy

    ReplyDelete
  3. Have a look at this http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24019737

    Shirley Anne x

    ReplyDelete