It's really nasty, getting a cold at this time of year. Well, colds are nasty at the best of times, but as spring slowly morphs into summer the traditional winter response to a cold of holing up for the duration seems inappropriate. And this one's particularly annoying and long-lived.So here I am, between bouts of sneezing. Yesterday was a perfect May Sunday here in my part of the world, so as well as getting a load of essential tasks done I took my parents dog for an extended version of our normal walk.
The picture is of one of our local ponds, sporting an early season algal pattern. Hidden away from view and in the shade, I spent quite a while sitting on the bank, the dog happily stretched out in a patch of sun.
My friend R remarked not so long ago that in my scruffy guise I am now visibly leaking girl. I guess I ain't the bloke I used to be, what with the beard removal, long hair, and given a few years of anti-androgens, a few extra curves here and there.
Looking in the mirror and seeing the girl looking back at me does help. But it doesn't fix anything, really. I know sometime soon it all ain't going to work no more.
By coincidence several friends have had GRS in the last few weeks or are likely to do so before too long. It's funny, I find myself slightly envious of them, not for the procedure itself but for the moving on. Time will tell if for them it marks the end of their quests or if they become members of that group who protest just a little too much, but wherever they end up I can't help feeling a little more isolated.
I tell you who I really envy though, that dog. She's a rescue dog, formerly feral in one of England's larger cities, so living in a small village with plenty of food and lots of exciting places to explore is an existence in which she is very happy indeed. In her patch of sunlight she lay with her belly lapping up the rays, not a care in the world.
Wish I could do that.
It would be lovely to think that you could be rescued in the same way Jenny but unfortunately I doubt that will happen. So it is down to yourself. The best advice I could give is not to reflect on the difficulties you think you may be facing in the months/years ahead but to remember what you have already achieved so far. You have come a long way and although you'll be thinking it isn't far enough you can take stock in the fact that nothing is really impossible for you once you set your mind to it.
ReplyDeleteShirley Anne x
I guess saying its a dogs life won't be appropriate in this case ?
ReplyDeleteYou have, for what's its worth, my sympathy for your situation. I know our approach to trying to hold back the tide has been different but I can well understand how you feel.
I hope you can find a way through the unhappiness.
There seems to be a lot of reflection around finding some simple peace the past few days. For instance, we have Natasha's post:
ReplyDeletehttp://reasonablynoble.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/simple-joys-for-when-life-sucks/
Hope that nasty cold goes soon. A bit of lying in the sun like that canine friend might help there.
"Moving on" is much harder though and as you suggest, involves finding more than a pleasing reflection in the mirror.
Somehow, I doubt you really envy the dog's mindlessness. For mindful and peaceful, we have some fine role models in Lucy and Caroline it seems to me.
May you find your own unique path and peace Jenny.
Ok, this is a late reply even by my standards.
ReplyDeleteCold gone I'm glad to say, though taken up with an unexpectedly busy time at work. But it's not changed. The stress is just as bad, if not a bit worse.
All of which sounds like whining just for the sake of it, I guess there's an element of that. Hell, entire blogs follow that theme in this sphere! But it can't go on forvever,can it.