Wednesday, 4 December 2013

One more step along the road

    The things you'll do for your friends. Standing in an unheated Norfolk church in something a little too insubstantial for the end of November, then braving an icy breeze outside for some photographs.
    So C and J are married. And despite the predictable run of minor disasters, it all came together in the end. I saw some friends for the first time since transition, learned news of people I've not seen in a decade.
    On the mat when I returned home: a letter from the GIC. My referral to the fertility clinic, the voice therapist, and the endocrinologist. The latter unusually without a second consultation since going full-time, in part due to all the counselling I'd previously had and in part because I'm exercising Patient Choice to use my local clinic rather than the GIC for HRT.
    It's odd, really. When you are suffering in the closet you imagine HRT is Where It's At. At least I did, for some others it appears to be The Surgery wot does it. But from where I am now I realise that living full-time is Where It's At, after all if this isn't about living in your preferred role what is it?
    So the prospect of HRT surprisingly is rather alarming. How will it affect my wife if it changes me, for example.
    I don't expect to receive it until well into the New Year. Which is not really a problem as it's better to move slowly and get it right than quickly and regret afterwards.


  1. The hormones certainly will make changes within yourself not least of all in the physical but of course in the emotional side of your personality too. They do not however make sudden changes but gradual ones so you will have plenty of time to adjust. My advice is to maintain your relationship with your wife and be patient with her, she will have to make adjustments too, in fact I think she will probably have more hurdles to overcome than you will. I am glad to hear that you are taking things slowly, rushing into things is never a good idea. I found that taking that first tablet was indeed a major step psychologically and it wasn't until I'd been taking them for a few months that I knew there was no real turning back (although it was possible) for me. Speaking about transition is one thing but as you know, doing it is another. All my best wishes go to you and your wife on this journey Jenny.

    Shirley Anne x

  2. Shirley Anne is spot on. The changes on hormone therapy are gradual, which is good news for those of us with wives. At the outset mine said, "If you start growing boobs, you're coming off those hormones." Well, after 20 months my breasts have grown to size B and there's not been a word of complaint - just the odd joke about not only needing a bra for my breastforms.

    The other (welcome) change is that a certain part of your anatomy will shrink... and not just when you're in a freezing cold church! But again, it happens gradually.

    I wish you both lots of love and happiness as you begin transition. Believe me, it's an interesting journey.

  3. Almost certainly it will change you, and, as no doubt you've already worked out it's better to assume a more drastic set of early changes so as to be best prepared.
    Lovely that your first thought is for your wife's your process. There isn't an option now to slow down or speed up, just how to keep your internal balance through the changes. Personally find the second adolescence model the best. Would see your main possible danger might be with trying to wall that off for the sake of the outside world.
    But then again, maybe things will go more slowly for you having reached a state of such surety first.
    Not sure that 'living in your preferred role' is quite right but of course the RLE is vastly changing. Look forward to the time that you'll perhaps majorly change your view of feminism through such experience.

  4. Going full time has been the biggest impact for me so far. I had not noticed the effort that it took to be my old self until I didn't have to make it.

    People said that I was more relaxed, and when I started on hormones this only improved.

    That said, when I do get upset there is a drastic change in me. I used to get angry upset - and have damaged my hands on walls a couple of times. These days I break down when I get that upset.

    Good luck, and remember that the pace you need is the pace that you need. There is not a too slow :)


  5. What... You mean I won't grow a set of Dolly Parton boobs overnight !!! :)

    I think Angie put her finger on it, it's not so much the immediate physical effect as the thought of such a step and its effect on those around me. In fact progress is likely to be so glacial as to be unnoticeable in the short term.

    Oh yes, I understand about not realising how much effort it took to be the bloke until after the event!

  6. "Oh yes, I understand about not realising how much effort it took to be the bloke until after the event!"
    That's the "DOH!" moment for so many of us. I really am glad to hear it's going well for you Jenny.