Sunday, 31 January 2016

It never goes away

    Another month goes by. Another end-of-month total, another accountant's bill, bills for various recurring business services. Slightly longer days, unseasonable flowers appearing in what should be the depths of winter but this year isn't.
    Another month on my own. Which isn't very good, to be honest. In a few more months it'll be a couple of years since Mrs. J moved on, and another summer will lie ahead of me. On my own.
    Maudlin? Yes. I kinda expected by now it would somehow have faded or something, but it hasn't. It's a new experience for me, having never run through a string of partners I've never been through this before.
    It's something that often happens when a trans couple part, onlookers never look beyond the trans part. In truth though there is always a lot more to this than meets the eye. There are times when I wonder what we were supposed to be doing, for my expectations of settling down and starting a family seemed to differ sharply from hers. I am sad that I wasted the decade and a half during which I could have had that family waiting for her when that evidently was not on her agenda.
    So what next? Evidently can't move on yet, wouldn't have a clue where to go if I was. So many "LGBT" media for meeting a partner seem to have little understanding of what the "T" means, I have no desire to be hassled by TERFs anyway.
    Just keeping on getting older, one month at a time.

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