Sunday, 15 May 2011

A whole week.

    In the past eighteen months I have surprised myself with the frequency with which I have updated this blog. I have enjoyed writing it and through it I have both explored the mess in which I find myself and made friends who have been of amazing support to both me and my wife.
    I thus feel rather surprised, looking at the date, that I haven't had anything to write for a week. Normally I've found a blogging formula in writing on matters pertaining to my gender issues when I have something to discuss,  random other things that are happening around me when I don't, or when I just need a pick-me-up to take my mind away from sleep deprivation, depression or the other annoyances of life dealing with a noisy inner girl.
    But this week: nothing. I have sat, looking blankly at the screen, wishing I could find a way to say what is on my mind, and I've failed. I have even been too apathetic to answer some of your comments on previous posts.
    My problem is easy to spot, I'm off to the GIC in just under two weeks and it's weighing heavily on my mind. I will sit in a doctor's office in an anonymous West London clinic, and not a lot will happen. Nothing new there, I've known what they can and can't do for me for quite a while now. But somehow it's now a lot more real, while previously it was sometime way off in the future.
    So I'm sure my turmoil will be short-lived, I'll have my day in London, get it over with and life will go on. At least I have something to look forward to, following the success of our outing a couple of weeks ago my wife would like us to do it again. I may not anticipate much progress from London, but that's not the only direction from which progress can come.


  1. For the Yanks... what's "GIC"? I'll guess gender identity clinic? is it a medical clinic?

  2. It seems a bit silly paying the GIC a visit then Jenny although I do know what you mean. Perhaps you are thinking, 'Well it can't do any harm and you never know, I might find they can do something for me.' You do have another avenue open to you like you say, which may be all that you really want, assuming you have already made up your mind that nothing is ever going to change physically. What is more important is that you are happy and can deal with your situation. Love

    Shirley Anne xxx

  3. "Gender Identity Clinic", yes. Under the NHS, services for us are concentrated in several regional centres. It is possible not to go to one of them and receive the same care, but only if your doctor is prepared to take responsibility for your treatment, and most aren't.

    I'm in a Catch-22 situation with the GIC. If I don't go there I think I'll be there anyway within a couple of years, and in a far worse state. I am told that they can help me, so I have to take what help is available.

  4. Aw, Jenny, a day in London can't be that bad! :)

    Whenever you feel bad about not blogging for a week, just remember your friend in Cali who is lucky to blog once a month or so.