Well. Here we are.

    It's a thing, in our community of transitioners, that people fade away. The challenges of getting through all this are overcome, they have whatever they consider makes them a Real Woman, and they're gone. We've all lost friends that way, the old internalised transphobia making them drop their trans community like a hot potato, in case they are reminded that they too are one of us.

    It's now about 18 months and a bit since I had my surgery, God knows how many years down the line along a very difficult path. That's not the end of my transition, because in reality transition never ends. You're always learning new stuff, and things come along that remind you of the time before. Regognising that is the key to coming to terms with it all, not running away.

    For someone not running away though, I've been a bit absent. Truth be told I've had a difficult time, probably some of the worst mental health problems of this whole sorry episode. Trauma accumulates, and after so long fighting it all came out. Stuff from the last decade, stuff from school, stuff from the frankly shitty so-called medical care I've had from parts of the gender medical service, and stuff from crappy employers. My counsellor has helped, now over the phone rather than face to face.

    It's been a bit of a struggle, but I have a feeling of coming out of it. Writing is coming more easily, the muse that had completely departed me at times is back. Oddly the COVID-19 lockdown is helping, while no social interaction is hard, the removal of some stresses has helped. But a whole load of new challenges emerge, and despite people talking about the end of lockdown I don't see it going away. Take care of yourselves, folks.