Sunday, 17 October 2010

"You look rather elegant"

    My mother has been about as good as I could hope for through all this. When I came out to her a few months ago she took it calmly and was immediately accepting. I appreciate not everyone is so fortunate in that situation so I appreciate my mother all the more for it.
    There has been one area in which she has been rather ill at ease and in which I have been rather reticent though. We've had one or two Long Chats since then but we've not talked about cross-dressing. It's obvious she was rather uncomfortable with the idea of me in female clothing. I have felt that I should talk to her about it for a while, but haven't had the premise under which to do it. I have no wish to upset her with Too Much Information, but I also have no wish to lie to her.
     Emboldened yesterday by reading a recent post from Stace, I decided to have that chat about cross-dressing. She knows I attend a support group, so I told her all about my dressing at the support group. It wasn't unexpected for her and she was relieved to hear that my real-world outings are very limited, so it went pretty well. She was interested to find out what size I am in ladies' clothes, and where I'd found my wig and shoes. I showed her a photo, the best of the very few that exist of me as girl. I wanted her to see me as doing my best to be a normal woman with nothing of the drag queen, pantomime dame or Bad Tranny that she might imagine, and I think I succeeded.
    Her comment bowled me over. "You look rather elegant". Wow. Acceptance does not come much sweeter.
    It'll be a while before she meets me in girl mode if indeed she ever does, but at least now she knows that her son would not embarrass her as a daughter.
    One final thing came from our conversation. She let slip that had I been female assigned at birth, she might have called me Jemima. Jemima? Surely she was joking? Trouble is, knowing my mother, perhaps she wasn't. For that lucky escape it's almost worth having been male-assigned and putting up with all the GD! (No offence meant dear reader if your name really is Jemima, but really!)

13 comments:

  1. How awful of you to say that about 'Jemima', she speaks well of you.......LOL. A bit old fashioned yes but I think it is a nice name. Your mum may be somewhat 'old fashioned' too but she is trying to come to terms with your status. You have a wonderful and understanding person in your mum and you are very fortunate in that respect. You must be very proud of her and happy that she is so accepting and comlimentary. Well done girl!

    Shirley Anne xxx

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  2. I am so glad that the reaction of your mother when she saw your picture. When I showed my mother a picture of Sarah when I told her about my struggles, she looked carefully at the picture and asked where I had gotten such a nice picture of my younger sister.

    Wow, I thought what a wonderful flattering comment.

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  3. I take no responsibilty for people doing things after reading my blog!

    Unless it turns out this well, in which case I'll take the credit :)

    Seriously though, really happy that it turned out this well for you! I hope it turns out this well when my folks come here in a couple of weeks.

    Stace

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  4. Its great you had that talk and she sounds like she is adapting well.
    As for Jemima wasent she one of the characters on Playschool, through the round window!!!
    xx

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  5. No offense to anyone named Jemima, but whenever I her that name, all I can think about is the logo for Aunt Jemima Pancake Mix and Pancake syrup. I grew up with so many TV programs sponsored by Aunt Jemima, that the image was seared into my brain.

    Sweet validation from your mother, nevertheless!

    Melissa XX

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  6. for me, Jemima is the doll on Play School, even after three years mixing with Sloanes in the uni English department... anyway, good response!

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  7. Thanks everyone. My wife's first thought was of Aunt Jemima too, but surprisingly it took me a while to remember Play School Jemima.

    Funny that about resembling one's sister. I shocked myself when I first donned a wig and caught a glimpse of my middle sister in the mirror.

    I'm pretty sure my mother's comment was genuine, in the manner of surprise in which she said it. I don't quite see it in the picture, I think she was seeing the height advantage all very tall women have. My eldest sister has it and is someone I would definitely describe as "elegant", sadly I can't aspire to her level.

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  8. Jemima? I rather like it. A unique name (at least in my part of the world) and I like unique names.

    Nice to hear your mum doesn't have the drag-queen image of you. And why should she? We those of us of this persuasion attempt to dress up, the goal is to blend in and not look like freaks.

    Calie xxx

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  9. It's true, there are far worse names.

    The funny thing is, I'm sure I would have one hell of a presence were I to pursue the drag queen look :)

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  10. Jenny, there used to be a shop in Leamington Spa called..... wait for it....

    Jemima Postlethwaite..!

    Can't remember what they sold now, it's been gone a good few years, but it always gave me a chuckle as I passed :)

    Ria

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  11. Hi Ria,
    Don't! Fortunately we're a little further south than that so my mother never had her idea expanded by that one.

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  12. Did your mother have the middle name Puddleduck chosen as well?

    I am happily utilizing the name my mother had picked for potential girl-me. I should think you'd want to do the same for your dear sweet Mum.

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  13. Puddleduck was one of my mental associations too.

    She did have one or two other less controversial ideas.

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