At the end of the afternoon I exercised my parents' dog in a countryside basking in March sunlight. I phoned my friend Dawn, after last night's support group meeting she looked so sad when everyone went their separate ways so I wanted to see all was well with her world.
About a week ago a friend of Dawn's died of a heart attack. Some of you might also have known her personally but I only encountered her online. She was a very spirited lady of advancing years whose very late transition gave hope to all of us younger people who have no route forward.
When I rang, I found Dawn upset. She had been told that the family are insisting on having her friend's funeral conducted and having her buried as her former male self. She spent a lifetime escaping the bloke, and having achieved her aim her family are to go against her wishes in death.
This is 2011, right?
As I stood talking to Dawn this tree was in front of me, lit starkly by the sun as it fell towards the horizon. I know what it will remind me of every time I pass it from now on.
This is a horror which hangs over many of us so don't take anything for granted if you have strong feelings, get it clearly stated what your wishes are before it is too late.
ReplyDeleteGrace was going to live for ever so probably did not make these plans. some family members will show their worst selfish side given half a chance.
Caroline xxx
How spiteful can people be? even in death?
ReplyDeleteAs Caroline says " a horror"
While it won't make any difference to Grace, it's certainly a slap in the face to all who knew and accepted her as her true self. I will never understand people who simply refuse to accept some's true nature, and insist that they forever remain the person that they want them to be, even at the expense of their happiness. What makes these people so selfish?
ReplyDeleteMelissa XX
Whether through spite, or because they are afraid of "what people will think", this shows such a lack of love. So, what is a funeral about anyway?
ReplyDeleteNo matter, her friends will never dishonour or forget her, one who stood starkly in relief to anyone else, just like the tree Jenny.
It would be nice to think that in the UK in this day and age we might have left this kind of thing behind. I hope that Grace's family have cause to regret their actions someday.
ReplyDeleteThe second thing that's annoyed me today. I may blog about the other sometime as well.
The girls have said it all. It proves to me just how selfish people can be. It's all about them and no consideration is given to either the deceased or her friends. It will make absolutely no difference to Grace fortunately. What a sad world this is!
ReplyDeleteShirley Anne xxx
She should consider having a memorial service for her partner with pictures and drinks for all.
ReplyDeleteVery sad that. Can be put right with a Memorial Service though as said.
ReplyDeleteI've been lukewarm about an official bit of paper to confirm who and what I am that but there's a case for gaining a gender recognition certificate so that a doctor can certify your death in your correct sex and name etc so that your death can be registered and whoever is performing the duty can get the necessary legal permission to arrange a funeral and deal with cancelling direct debits, pension, etc etc.
Oh My God! How sad. How cruel. I just can't believe what I just read. Speechless.
ReplyDeleteWas Grace a blogger?
Calie xxx
Cruelty and spitefulness know no bounds... I agree with the first comment, make it legal and write out a will.
ReplyDeleteI hope at some time a family tries to do this and receives some significant public opprobrium. In this case those close to her do not want to pursue that course, something which must of course be respected.
ReplyDeleteMrs. J and I have recently had this conversation. In whichever gender I am when I die, I simply want the other gender to be acknowledged.
@Calie: No, she was not a blogger.
ReplyDeleteIts a willful and disrespectful action hopefully the memorial service will provide a chance for friends to show her as she was and pay their respects.
ReplyDeleteRegrettably she wont be the last lgbt person it happens to.