Getting one's life back

    Well, (counts...) nearly 5 months between posts is a record, even for me. But as one might imagine, I've had other things on my mind. Surgical recovery hasn't been too difficult for me and I appreciate I've been pretty lucky, but it all takes it out of you. And taking back on the full-throttle mantle of  technical journalist and editor only 5 weeks after leaving Parkside Hospital  has left me with precious little time for anything else. It's as though you have only so many words to write within a given day, and the mojo departs so easily.

Once a blacksmith's daughter, always a blacksmith's daughter.

    So 5 months down the line, what of it? All there, seems to not be broken. As I said in my previous post, no transcendental rebirth moment. Still me, still getting on with it. But I do have a new confidence that wasn't there before, something I completely didn't expect. Enjoying wearing clothing without having to worry whether something shows is only part of it. I've been off to a nice hacker camp in a Netherlands hotel (at which I operated a blacksmith's forge wearing inappropriate clothing), and run a conference in Cambridge for Hackaday.

    Mental health wise though, things aren't quite as rosy. This last half-decade has been pretty crap, all things considered, I've had a lot of people who should know better try to derail me and everything I have I've had to fight for tooth and nail. That's taken a toll, and GRS didn't fix it overnight. More counselling, something I wonder if I'll ever be free of.

    I started this by falling out of the closet as a married late-30s web developer working in the publishing business. I'm now a single late-40s technical journalist, and I'd prefer not to be the former. That's a whole new chapter, isn't it.

Here we go then...

Wow, even by my recent standards, May to September is something of a gap between posts. Truth is, this summer's been a bit hard work. I mentioned in my last post being burned out, and that's just about what happened. Against a backdrop of having to fight for my surgical referral, some really annoying family stuff, and my dad's health being an on-the-horizon worry.

Unexpectedly though, some things did turn out well. There was some slightly dodgy stuff behind the scenes with referrals to my chosen surgeon, I began to shine a bit of a spotlight upon it with a few well-chosen press contacts. Then unexpectedly my chosen surgeon received his own NHS contract, and for the first time in eight and a half years I found myself at the front of the queue. I could have had my date back in the summer, but put it off until October because of the Electromagnetic Field hacker camp. Some things are important enough not to miss.

But it's all been a bit of a mess. Not sleeping very well, breaking down at conferences (My first remotely viral Tweet), and generally not being able to function. A chat with my editor helped, some of the pressure is off my shoulders until some time after my recovery. Now getting together all the bits and pieces I'll need to function and care for myself after surgery.

So. There's the annoying stuff. Now the good stuff. Electromagnetic Field. I think I've written about previous hacker camps, and how because of my slightly larger than life appearance and the work I do for Hackaday I have become somewhat well-known. It's still a bit weird. I was never the popular kid, ever. And yet these people, people I regard as cool, want to hang out with me, seek me out. That's unexpected. Hacker camps are a blast, I'm still writing this one up a couple of weeks later, and it'll take me a while to come down. For the first time I made an outfit, there was a cyberpunk-themed area very well done with shipping containers and lights, and I made a black dress with glow-in-dark Hackaday logos. And then tried to do my best post-apocalyptic tech journo look for the camera, ending up like a bad '80s album cover shot. Can't wait for the next one.

It's good to be back writing here without having to think about the subject. I feel bad I've been away for a few months. In a few weeks I'll be having my GRS, but fear not, this won't become one of those breathless every five minutes update GRS blogs. It just is what it is, I'm not looking forward to it or the aftercare, but I'll get through with it. And get back to writing about cider and tech.