But I do miss something about it. The office was in a small business park on the edge of the Berkshire Downs. A short lunchtime walk led me to an open hillside from which I could see several counties on a clear day, I could watch the weather coming in, see the crows and red kites squabbling over airspace and most importantly get my exercise pounding along the footpaths and bridleways.
I could go down the hill to the floodplain and walk along by the railway counting trains, in summer I could stuff myself with hedgerow fruit. In winter I could stand on frosty days at the highest point and see the pall of steam from Didcot power station, miles away hanging motionless in the void.
Lunchtimes are a bit different now. It's handy to be able to wander in to town and even handier to be able to nip back home. I can take a walk in the park if I need exercise and I have the ultimate luxury of a works restaurant in which I can stuff my face for hardly any outlay. But it's not the same. I've forgotten how muddy the paths got or the stench of the slurry spreading and I miss my open hillside. I really need to get out more, don't I.
It sounds to me like you have a connection with being on the top of hills, or that one in particular, and miss feeding your soul in that way.
ReplyDeleteWalking through the countryside is special, walking around a town just doesn't compare (at least for me). This morning Mrs Stace and I went for a walk around the lake near our house. The sun was blazing, though it was biterly cold, and it was just uplifting somehow. Odd how nature can just do that to you..
ReplyDeleteStace
At last - someone else who wants to step back from the edge.
ReplyDeleteIt seems from everything I've seen on the internet that Charing Cross and SRS is the solution of choice.
For many reasons (my wife being the chief one) I'd like to somehow achieve peace of mind through stepping back from the precipice but I can't find any guidance on how to do that.
Like you, I've been diagnosed as GD, tried hormones for 4 months ("they'll quiet you down..") and been out dressed to see if it was for me. Well it was and it wasn't. It was too good and that scared me.
How do I come to terms with this permanent ongoing battle in my head..? My wife doesn't know - I don't think it's fair to give her a problem I don't have an answer to.
I'll be reading your blog with interest to see what develops from Charing X.
I'm definitely a person of the countryside. Doesn't have to be hills, but I gain a lot of peace from a while away from the noise. I guess I was lucky in the situation of my previous employer.
ReplyDelete@G: That does seem to be the direction we're all made to look in, doesn't it. But if it's the right path for others then who am I to say otherwise. Were your hormones NHS or private, just out of curiosity?
I'd make two observations. First, you can't put this back in the box, it will come and get you some day. And second, telling my wife from the start was the best thing I ever did. Better in my view than her finding it all out in a rush some day.
I have no idea whether CHX will be able to do anything for me but I have to try whatever I can. Whatever transpires I'll blog about it here though.
Good luck with your path, and please do keep in touch.
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ReplyDelete@G: I have this blog set so that comments on new posts are published automatically. As per your wishes I've thus removed your post. Email me if you want to talk, you'll find the address on my profile.
ReplyDeleteLovely picture, Jenny.
ReplyDeleteThanks. Taken about a year ago, give or take a few weeks, on the Nokia mobile phone I had then.
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