Thursday, 27 May 2010

Work thoughts

    An English woodland in early summer. Slightly damp and a bit cold when the sun's behind a cloud, but with that earthy smell you get the day after rain. The wild arum lillies are a bit disappointing but there are still a few late bluebells on show. If I needed justification for an Android phone, here it is. Posting while sitting on a tree stump.
    All this gender business has blunted my edge somewhat. I could probably find a joke in there somewhere but this is serious. I find this loss of facility worrying, after all having an edge in my particular field is what allows me to keep us in the lifestyle to which we've become accustomed. So I'm forced to think about my work.
    Here in the UK, we're lucky compared to some. We have a Disability Discrimination Act which means that you can't be given the boot for a medical condition. So, with GD diagnosis in hand my arse is covered, in theory. Trouble is, I work for a tiny company, and one I care about at that, so I know they have no room for passengers. I can't with conscience play the GD card if they remark on my declining performance. They've been very good to me on the sleep thing so I don't want to be bad in return to them.
    So what's to be done? I've come to the conclusion that I need to move jobs, and not to another small tech company like those I've always worked for but to somewhere large or public sector with a proper HR policy behind which I can hide. It feels like failure but my wife needs stability. She's seen my employers go titsup before and I know it worries her.
    Meanwhile here in the wood, the rooks are having an argument. It's getting noisy.

7 comments:

  1. Keeping your edge; compartmentalizing; it is good to know these concerns are shared by others in our sisterhood.
    Maybe just being aware that we need to focus up a bit more is a good sign. My guess is that you are a better worker since and because you are self-aware.

    That is wonderful, taking time to admire nature and bringing your communication device with you too!
    I call mine a notebook! Hehe.

    hugs,

    Halle

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  2. I'm lucky enough to work in an office in a rural area on the side of a hill, so my lunchtimes are spent wandering through the countryside to reset my brain and get some exercise. It's rare there isn't some spectacle laid on for my wonderment. Yeah, I know it's sad having a handheld computer as an extension of my left arm :)

    The trouble is, I'm not a better worker but a more worried one. My job involves mental grappling with large and complex data structures, and at times it just gets difficult.

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  3. Jenny, what you write so often strikes a chord with me.

    If I had any answers I'd gladly share them but I hope it helps a little to know that you are not alone.

    Hugs

    Julia

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  4. Thanks Julia,
    One insight came from a conversation with a friend yesterday. My job involves sitting alone at a PC, I don't get much interpersonal interaction. This means my mind is free to divert itself. Her job by comparison involves lots of personal interaction so her mind doesn't have much time for mischief.

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  5. Good insight. The isolation of computer-based knowledge work makes it extremely hard when there are plenty of painful, difficult thoughts with which to distract yourself. I've recently told my employers not to be surprised if I hand in my notice for exactly this reason: I also need something that involves more personal interaction.

    While your location means lovely walks in nature at lunchtime, that can't help either.

    My sympathies.

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  6. I'd never really thought of it as isolation, but you're so right.

    Busy career ideas for gender variant geeks on a post card please...

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  7. OK, girl, I am totally mystified by this post. That means an email coming your way.

    Calie xxx

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