Saturday, 22 May 2010

In black and white.

    Waiting on the doormat for me last night was a letter from the hospital. As promised, there in black and white and with the signature of someone with far more letters after his name than I have, conformation that yes, I do have "longstanding gender dysphoria".
     It's interesting, reading about yourself in an impersonal third person. Revealing too about the system, the paragraph about my family history mentions my father's occupation but not my mother's. For those who don't know her, my mother arguably did far better in her career than my dad did, not to take away from his achievements.
    Most interestingly his final paragraph confirms his decision not to refer me to the GIC, but asks to see my wife, to "get her side of the story". I can't make her go and I'll understand if she doesn't want to, but that's something new that I didn't get at the consultation.
    So there it is. The official diagnosis I was looking for. My butt is now covered.


  1. to me it seems good that your wife is being given the option of being included in the process. And I have heard of people at least beginning the process of transitioning without actually telling their partners...

  2. Absolutely, I wouldn't have it any other way.

  3. Maybe it's because I have always been single, but I don't understand. He says you definitely have GID, but refuses to refer you to a gender clinic, without first consulting your wife? What is that all about? I know you love your wife, and I deeply respect that, but why should she have say in anything concerning your gender identity?

    Melissa XX

  4. He's not asking Mrs. J for her say in anything, he's making sure that I've shot myself in the foot with justification.

    Let me explain: I went in there and said "I have GD but I can't do much about it because I'm married and want to stay that way, can you help me remain sane?", so he said "There's not a lot I can do for you because we just send people on to have hormones and GRS, we don't have many patients like you.". If I'd lied and said "I'm afraid I'm going to have to go through with this and that's all there is to it!" then he'd have referred me to the GIC. So in that sense I shot myself in the foot. But the GIC itself isn't my goal, instead I'm looking for stability and if it turns out I can find a way to achieve that through other means I'm fine with that.

    He wants to talk to Mrs. J I think because he sees I've rather pushed myself into a dead end in terms of what he has to offer and wants to make sure that I've done so for the right reasons.

  5. He seems to have done pretty much as you asked him to.
    This is your journey and you have control where it goes.
    I hope you find your place of peace.

  6. Thanks, so do I :)
    I guess I can't complain much, a couple of weeks to reflect and while it's slightly annoying to find myself in a dead end I really didn't leave him much else he could do. I'm not giving up on Mrs. J without a fight and well, you've met me, I'm not exactly physically cut out for femininity am I.