In my previous post I repeated a question from elsewhere and asked what it was that might make me think I'm a girl. I'm not going to attempt to answer that here, but I can suggest an answer might be found in my current predicament. To put it simply, just at the moment I'm running like hell simply trying to escape the girl.
I'm used to girl moments. Those little dips of girldom that catch you unawares and drag you down for a moment. I'm fairly sure that a lot of my readers will know them too. Similarly I'm used to girl fog, that toxic mix of depression and gender dysphoria that steals your brain for a week at a time.
What I'm not used to is the condition I'm in now. Not a girl moment or girl fog, just... girl.
Life's been pretty good hereabouts these last few weeks. New job, lots of interesting stuff to play with, no more stress, no more commuting to speak of either. I'm sleeping properly, my wife's happier, we've been enjoying the late summer together. Last Saturday saw us somewhere in darkest Northamptonshire sitting in the sun with Lisa, looking very good in the glow of her first hormone patch, Sunday saw us just relaxing at home like any normal couple should.
So why has the girl become so much louder? I've never felt like this before, there has always been an edge of stress with insomnia and the resulting tiredness to distort everything, then when the medication brought sleep I was always too doped up like Dylan the Rabbit to feel anything for a few days. It might sound odd to say this, but I'm finding it rather annoying and I wouldn't mind a bit of the bloke back between my ears.
I had the Long Chat with HR today. No problem at all, legal formality dealt with, butt covered. I now know that I could go to work in girl mode if I wanted to. I know people who would kill for that opportunity! Fortunately common sense prevailed, my colleagues are safe from having to deal with the seven foot girl, and blissfully unaware of their good fortune.
Something to talk about with the shrink then, not long before I see him again.