On my mobile phone there is a picture of me. One of very few showing me presenting as female. I'm not one for posting pictures of myself online so I won't be sharing it with you, but it's a picture of me taken on our return from Saturday evening's support group meeting just before I disappeared upstairs to revert to scruffy bloke mode.
I'm standing in the sitting room of an ordinary British house, my wife is sitting in an armchair on the other side of the room taking the photograph. I'm wearing a tan pencil skirt and a colourful Desigual top, I feel great and looking at the photo I surprise myself by how good I look. Sure I'm no oil painting, but for once I see myself and don't see the bloke straight away. A bit of a shock really.
So the picture shows a woman standing in a room. But there's something wrong. She's wandered into the abode of a hobbit. The doorway and fireplace, the sofa, even the picture on the wall are out of scale, it's like seeing a doll's house with a Barbie that's a tiny bit too big for it.
For the first time I am seeing myself in girl mode as others see me. I'm used to tall women, I come from a family of them, but not even in my cousin who's only a couple of inches shorter than me have I seen this look of being out of scale to the surroundings. I always knew that for me there could be no stealth, but I'm now really beginning to appreciate what that would look like.
It's not really put me off, but it's a slightly bitter-sweet moment. To look so relatively good in a picture and to simultaneously look slightly wrong. Still, I should take heart. Only a year ago I never thought I could ever look as I do in this picture, I've come a long way since then. And if I walk amongst hobbits there's something else to be happy about. They have hairy feet, and I don't!
Good night!
As the Dutch would say 'nou!'
ReplyDeleteIIRC this picture is taken with a phone (not the most perfect of lenses, and with a tendency to distort). It's also taken from a lower position (someone sitting taking the photo, for someone standing up) which distorts perspective - it's something I use when taking arty type pictures instead of family snaps.
And finally :) I think I commented at the time that the main thing I saw with the picture was lack of confidence. Something that I am sure you have got over since!
In short, I doubt that people look at you and think you're in hobbit land when out and about :)
Stace
I think the picture you saw was taken back in May before my first support group outing in girl mode. In Saturday's picture I look a lot more confident. But I take your point about perspective distortion. It could be why I've not seen the same effect in other pictures.
ReplyDeleteSo, Jenny, have you ever been to a woman's basketball game? Especially a professional woman's basketball game? The sport is somewhat popular here in the States, among those of us who appreciate seeing woman give it their all in a sporting event.
ReplyDeleteThere are reasons why I am so close to this sport that I won't go into but seeing these girls on the court in their flat shoes and towering over you does give you a different perspective. And then, seeing the same girls, dressed to the nines, at a party, really makes you stop and think. Somehow, they have dealt with the height issues. Basketball made them appreciate their height and brought many of them out of their cocoons.
If you every have an opportunity to attend a professional woman's basketball game, do it. Sit in front and just see how tall some of these girls are. I have known some who are taller than a certain large blooming flower I know and they are just gorgeous.
Calie xxx
Basketball has always been a sport I've avoided, mainly because as a teenager I got sick of people believing that because of my size I must automatically be both into it and good at it. But you're right, a womens' basketball game would be a confidence-inspiring sight. I suspect it would be a little difficult for me though in a GD sense. There is a woman my height at work, I have no idea what she does as I've only encountered her in passing in search of coffee in the caffeteria, but every time I see her I get a GD hit.
ReplyDeleteAlthough not as tall as you, Jenny, I was tall enough when I was in school to be asked those same questions. I have had absolutely no interest in sports...ever. The first time I went to a women's basketball game, I didn't even know why they were cheering. My knowledge of basketball or any other sport was zero. I did learn the sport, however, even though I don't play it.
ReplyDeleteI also got the GD hits when I saw these women. Funny how that happens...