In my previous post I repeated a question from elsewhere and asked what it was that might make me think I'm a girl. I'm not going to attempt to answer that here, but I can suggest an answer might be found in my current predicament. To put it simply, just at the moment I'm running like hell simply trying to escape the girl.
I'm used to girl moments. Those little dips of girldom that catch you unawares and drag you down for a moment. I'm fairly sure that a lot of my readers will know them too. Similarly I'm used to girl fog, that toxic mix of depression and gender dysphoria that steals your brain for a week at a time.
What I'm not used to is the condition I'm in now. Not a girl moment or girl fog, just... girl.
Life's been pretty good hereabouts these last few weeks. New job, lots of interesting stuff to play with, no more stress, no more commuting to speak of either. I'm sleeping properly, my wife's happier, we've been enjoying the late summer together. Last Saturday saw us somewhere in darkest Northamptonshire sitting in the sun with Lisa, looking very good in the glow of her first hormone patch, Sunday saw us just relaxing at home like any normal couple should.
So why has the girl become so much louder? I've never felt like this before, there has always been an edge of stress with insomnia and the resulting tiredness to distort everything, then when the medication brought sleep I was always too doped up like Dylan the Rabbit to feel anything for a few days. It might sound odd to say this, but I'm finding it rather annoying and I wouldn't mind a bit of the bloke back between my ears.
I had the Long Chat with HR today. No problem at all, legal formality dealt with, butt covered. I now know that I could go to work in girl mode if I wanted to. I know people who would kill for that opportunity! Fortunately common sense prevailed, my colleagues are safe from having to deal with the seven foot girl, and blissfully unaware of their good fortune.
Something to talk about with the shrink then, not long before I see him again.
It was a good day and one we should repeat.
ReplyDeleteI am gld it went well with HR for you.
I know how tough being in the middle is and I sure dont miss it.
Big hug.
x
Thanks, any such trip to HR is always going to be a worry.
ReplyDeleteIn the middle I may be but I know it could be worse, at least I'm no longer in the closet.
Well, Jenny, you know that I know exactly how you feel. I think the reason you're feeling this now is because you (and I and anyone who is TG and reading this) are feeding the beast and the more you feed the beast, the hungrier the beast gets.
ReplyDeleteEver wonder how someone in the 15th century dealt with this? I don't know but I'm guessing that most had nothing to feed the beast, so the beast never got hungrier.
What I just wrote probably makes no sense at all, but I may turn it into a post on my blog.
Calie xxx
I'm not sure I completely agree, I tried not feeding the beast for rather a long time and it got very noisy indeed for that period. However it is true that this is something in which a little bit will always make you want more.
ReplyDeleteI can't begin to imagine how someone in the 15th century would have dealt with this.
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