Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Farmer's tan

   I once had a work colleague who held casual far-right views and would probably vote accordingly. He hailed from the part of Glasgow where the football team you support really matters, and one of his peculiarities was that he refused to expose himself to any sunlight to avoid tanning, in his words "In case someone thinks I'm a [expletive denoting Pakistani origin]". I felt duty bound to inform him that from my viewpoint his pasty-white and beetroot-red visage stood very little chance of provoking such a misconception, but still he remained firmly in the shade.
   This lunchtime I thought of him as I took my customary wander through the fields surrounding my office. You see here in the UK it's been a beautiful week despite dire warnings of Icelandic ash, the sun has shone and life outdoors has felt good. And early signs have started to show of my usual summer's tan.
    Should you encounter me en femme in the next few months you'll find me easy to spot. I'll be the one with the brown, red and pasty white striped arms. I mean, what can I do? If I stay in the shade, people might think I'm a BNP voter!


  1. I get most of my tan while out mowing the grass, and always had that farmer's tan that ended at my biceps. So last year, to try and avoid that look, I started doing my mowing in shorts and sleeveless shirts. Of course its hard to get away with a sleeveless shirt, when you work in an office, presenting as a male.

    Melissa XX

  2. Sadly I do not go brown, I have a binary relationship with sunlight-either very pale white or bright lobster red. In between is when I am peeling; sadly even that colouration did not protect me from the suspicions of our extremist friends. They mistook me for a Dublin Bay prawn which as you know is not Eng-ger-land at all-and they just don't do pink in the BNP.

  3. You've got it all wrong, Jenny. Your friend is clearly BDP but, more importantly, he is a transvestite. Why else would he remain so....tan free? He needs to look good in those sleeveless dresses.

    Jenny: It is just SO obvious! Now go check out his Prius and see if there is a Nicholas Clegg bumper sticker on it.

    Calie xxx

  4. Isn't it amazing what people will do to try and make sure people don't think they are something. Kind of like my colleague who pretends not to know who Marry Poppins is becuase men can't admit that :)

    I try and keep as much of my body out of the sun as possible, more to do with familky history than anything else - but it does mean that I end up with farmers arms as it's only my forearms that I let the sun get to...


  5. @Calie: I wouldn't go as far as to describe him as a friend :)

    Now I know in the trans sphere we're all very tolerant and that, but imagining him in a dress is one of those brain bleach moments.

    @Stace, you know what they say, those who are deepest in the closet...